I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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