Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
