repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
