I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
