So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
