3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
