Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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