party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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