I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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