I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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