he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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