he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I need moral support for this bender
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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