and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
