My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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