I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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