he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
