why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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