oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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