somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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