people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
