My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
