I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
