Just mADE A PArabola og urine
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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