Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We had sex on a dog bed..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
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