you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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