I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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