I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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