i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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