remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
