i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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