He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
