I swear god or herbie drove my car home
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
