the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize