UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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