is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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