You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
wow bdsm is so cute
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
