my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
