i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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