it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
