So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
