Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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