just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
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