Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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