Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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