took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
