Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
