We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
