4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
