dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize