Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
