He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
