Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
