I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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