nut hugger
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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