There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
