Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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