So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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