You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
