im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
