Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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