Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
