saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
