My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
im holly from the hills drunk
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
