he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize