he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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