life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
