if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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