My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
