New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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